


Ghost Has Limits

by Kira_Dattei



Series: Moments Between Missions [6]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Crew as Family, Kaidan is Only So Patient, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 15:38:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12914937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kira_Dattei/pseuds/Kira_Dattei
Summary: The Normandy Crew is like a family. Families fight sometimes, that's all it is. At least that better be the reason for Vega being a little bit of an asshole or Kaidan might just throw him across the room.Shepard gets called in to break things up.





	Ghost Has Limits

**Author's Note:**

> I can't remember where I saw it, but I found somewhere that a nickname for James to give Kaidan would be "Ghost" and that has been how it is in my brain ever since. Reasoning for the nickname would be because of how his biotics glow around him and that he's Spec Ops.

“I get to tag along, right?”

“No.”

“You know you mean ‘yes.’”

“No, I don’t.”

“You’ll need the company.”

“No, I really won’t.”

“Someone to keep your ass from getting shot.”

“That’s what Barriers are for.”

“You’re not impervious to stupid decisions.”

“I’m aware.”

“It’s not like I’m gonna be doing anything else for the next week.”

“And Shepard calls me a workaholic.”

“He’s right. But, in all seriousness, you know you need a hand, Ghost. And everybody will feel loads better with one of us along.”

That at least got Kaidan to glance up from checking his heavy pistol to look over to James. “Oh, so this nagging is coming from a place of caring and not because you just don’t want to be on the Citadel for a week. Considering just a few days ago when we were here meeting with the Council and you spent those few hours winning all those credits from those batarians who didn’t seem all that thrilled to lose, I figured you’d be looking to be anywhere else.”

Steve laughed from his console and James gave his friend a dirty look. “I hadn’t heard about that one. Please tell me you know of other incidents like that so we can share,” Cortez said and Kaidan had to fight to keep his face straight. He’d made a lot of contacts all over the Citadel in the time he’d been there after Mars, many who were in C-Sec, and some of them loved to forward him messages about what the more boisterous members of the Normandy crew got up to when they were docked.

“Please, like I’m worried about a couple guys who don’t know how to lose,” James defended but his voice was a little tight. Kaidan lifted an eyebrow at him before going back to work. “Come on, Ghost, this is bullshit. What’s the deal with this?”

“I wasn’t under the impression I had to explain myself to you.”

“I think he’s just upset that you’re taking a mission by yourself and he’s never had that option,” Steve commented as he turned away from his console and leaned against it to watch the other two men.

“How shallow do you think I am?” Vega exclaimed, the boom of his voice echoing through the cargo bay and making Kaidan wince at the sound. Lower register sounds didn’t usually get to him but the guy could be loud when he wanted.

“Pretty shallow. I’ve seen you sulk for a week after Shepard telling you he wasn’t choosing you for a landing party.”

Kaidan really just wanted to be left alone so he could finish gathering his gear and be ready to head out once they docked in eight hours. If it got Vega to leave him alone, he’d tell him what he could. “You guys may be on shore leave, but I’m not. It’s just like if something happens while docked, Shepard has to report in.”

“Well, yeah, but he’s in charge of the ship. You’re not.”

“Are you being oblivious on purpose or is it one of those things that come so naturally you don’t try to fight it?”

Cortez actually snorted a little in his laughter at that. James obviously wanted to say something but Kaidan continued on before he could say anything.

“No, I’m not in command of the Normandy…” Second-in-command, yes, but that didn’t need to be stated right now, “…but my responsibilities to the Alliance and the Council don’t go to the wayside because my priority orders come through Shepard while the Normandy is active.”

“Goddammit, your position here is weird. Whatever happened to the simple chain of command?”

“The Major’s position in the chain of command is what makes it difficult, Lieutenant,” EDI’s voice sounded suddenly through the nearby speaker and Kaidan was happy to let the AI take over.

“Meaning?”

“Besides his position on the Normandy, which puts him in authority second only to Commander Shepard, Major Alenko holds a command position of his own within the Alliance and his Spectre status allows him additional authority under the Council.”

“Well, I know all that. You’ve heard Shepard outright brag about him and all his accomplishments.” Kaidan swore he would not blush at hearing about Shepard complimenting him when he knew it happened. The feel of his face warming a bit told him it likely happened anyway.

“If you know, then why are you stating confusion about why Major Alenko is being called away by the Council for a mission within his parameters of operation?”

“I’m not confused about him being called away by the Council. I just don’t get why I can’t tag along.”

“I would assume because the mission he’s been given calls for someone with Special Operations experience, advanced biotic capabilities and knowledge, and preferably skill with hacking operations. As the Major is more than qualified within those requirements, he was an obvious choice and with the Normandy docked, he could be asked without having to confirm with Shepard.”

“Ok, fine, gang up on me. Here I am trying to make things easier between you and Loco by letting him relax knowing someone he trusts’ll be watching out for you.”

“I’m pretty sure your stated intentions have changed about five times now and I haven’t believed one of them. It’s not Shepard’s call and he’s fine with it anyway.”

James was quiet after that, which Kaidan hadn’t expected, so he looked up to the man and saw that he was watching him with a weird expression. It was like he was trying to convince himself that Kaidan had said what he did.

What’d he say to get a look like that?

“You really think he’s fine with it?” he asked after a few seconds of James just looking at him and him getting a little flustered about it.

“I’m not sure what you think of either of us, but I’ve already reviewed the situation with the Commander. Believe me, he’s fine with it or he wouldn’t have cleared it even when he didn’t have to.”

“But didn’t I just get told off about how much it’s not up to him? What if he just told you okay because he can’t actually tell you otherwise.”

Kaidan lifted an eyebrow at Vega, glanced over to Cortez and saw a thoughtful expression on the man’s face.

He liked to think he knew Shepard well enough to be confident that he hadn’t just forced the man’s hand in something. Unfortunately, Vega had brought up a really good point that was on par with Shepard’s personality, especially when it came to the Major. There’d just been no signs of that being the case.

“The problem with that theory is you think him not having a say in me being given and taking the mission means he can’t tell me exactly what he thinks about it. You also seem to be under the impression that he wouldn’t tell me what he thinks. He’s never cut corners with me and he’s not going to start just because we’re…” Kaidan cut himself off, used to curbing what he said when it came to him and Shepard more than worried about saying something “revealing” to people who already knew they were together.

And once Vega realized he wasn’t going to finish his sentence, he filled in the blank: “Fucking day and night?”

The focus it took for Kaidan’s biotics to not materialize was so ridiculous he wondered if it was really worth sparing James for throwing that out. He heard a quiet slap against skin from behind him and knew Steve had given his own response to Vega’s choice of phrasing.

“Really, Vega? Why did you think that was the best thing to say to Major Alenko? He’s not as easy-going about vulgarity as Shepard is, especially if you’re talking about them.”

“He started it!”

And with that, Kaidan was done dealing with James Vega; there were times the guy just started testing his patience and didn’t stop. He set down the heavy pistol and allowed his biotics to flare up, then made sure they discharged evenly around him before he could focus it into anything tangible. And Vega, someone who didn’t have much use for biotics, actually looked a little concerned.

That did help Kaidan collect himself a little though, more than the quick discharge of energy. He was used to people being uncomfortable around him showing his biotics, but he figured he’d always respond strongly to fear.

He took in a deep breath, letting the action relax his shoulders and keep him from gathering another charge.

“Whatever just happened, I’m going to assume you brought it on yourself, Vega,” Shepard’s voice suddenly broke the silence and the three men turned toward the elevator to see the Commander stepping away from it with Liara following behind.

Cortez moved past the surprise first, “Commander? What are you doing down here?”

“Well, I figured that Liara’s latest report on the Crucible could wait when EDI told me there were issues with the Alliance soldiers down in the cargo bay. She neglected to mention who was involved though,” Shepard finished a little shortly and Kaidan guessed he wasn’t so thrilled about that omission.

“Was that wrong, Commander Shepard? I thought that it would be best to not mention who was involved so as to not increase your anxiety about intervening,” EDI explained.

Shepard sighed and focused back on the men in front of him. “Do I really want to know what the hell this was all about?”

“Lieutenant Vega was insistent upon accompanying Major Alenko on the mission assigned to him once we reach the Citadel. He claims to understand Major Alenko’s position, but he has continued to argue with his denial of allowing him to join him. Was I wrong in my assessment that you were becoming angry, Major Alenko?”

Kaidan let out a heavy sigh as he reminded himself that EDI’s actions were primarily to watch over the Normandy and her crew. She wasn’t as versed in handling human situations as, well, anything that wasn’t an AI even if she was getting better. “Thank you for looking out for us, EDI, but it wasn’t necessary,” he said, his tone that of a Major and he felt the shift in focus of the Alliance soldiers in the room while Liara just put a hand on her hip and watched.

He grabbed his heavy pistol and stood away from the table; he’d check his assault rifle and omnitool’s blade program closer to when they docked. After all, if he found anything faulty, they had a sufficient armory for him to pick a replacement for this mission. He’d be using his biotics more heavily anyway.

Either way, he had to get some time to himself. He was frustrated, charged up, and done with people. It was times like this that he somewhat missed his time off the Normandy: there was nowhere on the ship where he was guaranteed to not have anyone around.

“Lieutenant, I’m sorry. What I did was inappropriate. But I should only have to explain the chain of command to a marine once.” He walked over to his locker, setting his pistol in its case next to his armor, then turned toward the elevator. “Sorry for disturbing you, Commander. It wasn’t necessary,” he said to Shepard as he passed by the man, keeping more than enough distance to get the message across that he wasn’t looking for company. As he walked up to the elevator and it opened for him, he heard motion behind him and Liara’s whispering voice, too quiet for him to hear. As he turned around to select Deck 2, hoping the Starboard Observation Deck was empty enough to get the solitude he needed, he saw Shepard turned towards him with Liara holding onto his arm.

Great, now he’d owe four people apologies and one person thanks.

Well, that would be after he spent some quality time with his wonderful variety of breathing exercises so he could be calm enough to feel guilty about how he’d handled that. Even knowing why he’d gotten so short-tempered didn’t help him avoid or mitigate it and that just frustrated him all the more.

* * *

_“Give him some time or you’ll only get into a fight and that’s not the way he needs to go off on assignment.”_

Liara was right, Shepard knew that. He knew that one of the worst things he could do would be to give Kaidan something to distract him when he was off on his own. Didn’t make that shit any easier to deal with while he waited for it to feel like it was enough time before he tracked the biotic down to talk to him.

Problem was he felt like it’d been long enough as soon as he talked to Steve about what happened and tried to get Vega to at least admit he might have gone too far with pushing Kaidan this time around.

Patience wasn’t his forte when it came to Kaidan, inconveniently enough as that’s who he really needed it with.

It didn’t help that he was already on edge because of Kaidan getting called away like this.

They’d both figured the Alliance and Council would pull for Kaidan at some point – both had been in discussion about where he would be stationed where he’d be most beneficial, the Council wanting him on the Citadel and the Alliance looking to recall him to Earth to work with Anderson – and so when he’d joined the Normandy, they’d sat down and figured out his position that would at least pacify all involved parties. Making him second-in-command was a no-brainer and Shepard would have likely done it even without having to please anyone; out of all Alliance soldiers on-board, Kaidan was the most experienced and had a high enough rank. But they’d known allowing orders to be submitted to him would be a must.

Shepard had just gotten hopeful that they’d always just lump orders to Kaidan in with what they gave Shepard after a few months of that being their approach.

Kaidan had been tight-lipped about the mission, which Shepard had chalked up to it being above his pay grade, and that made him even more anxious.

He knew he was being irrational about it. Kaidan had been sent on plenty of missions in his career. He was fucking _Spec Ops_ , head of a division! He could handle himself.

“As amusing as it is to watch you walk circles around the deck, it’s equally pathetic,” Garrus caught his attention as he passed by the mess hall for his…seventh time. “Can’t have anybody else realize that, so go talk to him.”

“Stay out of it, Garrus,” Shepard muttered back. If Shepard didn’t already know full-well what the rumor mill looked like on the Normandy, he would be surprised that Garrus knew anything had happened.

Then again, he’d circled the same deck seven times because it was the one he knew Kaidan was on and had been waiting to see him emerge.

“Don’t make me get all sappy or I’ll never hear the end of it. Just get it over with and go talk to him or it’ll just make him getting called away like this even worse.”

“You think?” Shepard bit back sarcastically.

Garrus gave him a satisfied look. “If that’s any indication, yeah. Do you have any idea how glad we are that we’ll all be on leave so we don’t have to deal with that?”

Garrus walked past him and Shepard was sure the only reason he didn’t get the urge to punch the turian was because he could admit when his friend had a point.

Even if he was being a sarcastic asshole about saying it.

Shepard was about to head toward the Starboard Observation Deck when Garrus called out to him again, “Shepard, if this one gets away, you should really consider staying single. You wouldn’t want to risk having to navigate a relationship when I’m not around to help out.”

So much for not wanting to punch Garrus.

But, really, did he miss a memo that the Normandy was out to irritate the shit out of each other or something? Sure, they got excitable when they had shore leave of any amount coming up, but this was ridiculous.

The short trip to the Starboard Observation Deck was one he tried not to think through. Things always went better with Kaidan if he didn’t think about what he was doing. He stood in front of the door for a few seconds, taking in a deep breath, making sure that he was relaxed going into this.

The door slid open and Shepard looked around the room for Kaidan, noticing how the lights were lower than usual. He got a little concerned when he didn’t see the biotic at first. Sure, he hadn’t confirmed with EDI about where Kaidan was, but he’d been confident he knew his lover a little better than that. He stepped further into the room and came within view of Kaidan: he was sitting on the floor leaning back against the couch facing the window.

Shepard walked across the room, making sure he didn’t hesitate anywhere. Once he rounded the couch, he was able to see Kaidan’s eyes were closed and his breathing was measured; Shepard recognized the breathing exercise he’d seen Kaidan use to keep headaches from getting worse when they’d get a few minutes downtime on missions.

He dropped down to sit on the couch off to Kaidan’s right, not worried about keeping too much distance. He figured Kaidan knew he’d been there once he opened the door and would even have known it was him long before he got that close; Kaidan had consistently proven to know when it was him and he wondered if there was something he should know about for it to be so reliable.

Kaidan took in a deep breath, filling his lungs completely and then emptying them before he opened his eyes, keeping his gaze straight forward toward the window.

“Liara tell you to keep your distance?” Kaidan asked without too long of a pause. He sounded so much calmer than he’d been when he’d left the Cargo Bay, much closer to his normal tone.

“Yeah, said that we’d just fight if I didn’t give you time,” Shepard answered, not surprised that Kaidan figured out what Liara had told him. Kaidan was good about stuff like that even without it being Liara, who he was close to.

“I figured since I didn’t see you within a few minutes. You tend to get involved when crew fights happen.”

“Part of the job, not having people want to take each other out. It’s been a while since our last docking and things have been pretty rough so everyone’s a little wound up.”

“I’m aware. So, Commander or John?”

Shepard hadn’t expected Kaidan to check: they’d decided during that dinner that changed everything between them that their ranks and positions had no place in their personal relationship. As Kaidan compartmentalized things in his mind, it worked well for him; Shepard didn’t have that solid of a distinction between the two but he was more confident in handling the overlap than Kaidan. But he hadn’t thought the biotic would have had to ask now, what happened having been a heavily personal thing and Shepard having given Kaidan the time to pull himself together.

“Up to you, I guess. I know what I’d prefer, but we seem to be working on different frequencies right now.”

Kaidan started to turn towards him, but stopped himself and ended up lowering his gaze.

“Cortez tell you what happened?”

Shepard leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees so he could be a little closer to Kaidan. “Yeah, he gave me a rundown. I’m still trying to figure out where Vega was coming from in pressing things like he had. Maybe we need to give a little emphasis on the fact that you telling him to do something is actually an order from a superior officer.”

“No, that’s not necessary. And he’s usually a little better about remembering where the line is.” Kaidan let out a depreciating scoff and continued, “I’m usually better about handling him. I’ve certainly dealt with worse attitudes than him without pulling rank.”

There were still plenty of people who thought of biotics as freaks, plenty of who discriminated against human biotics, and weren’t afraid to say so. And Kaidan was a human biotic very much in the spotlight, especially after his appointment as Spectre. Shepard didn't like when he thought about how it made Kaidan an easy target for hate like that.

“It wasn’t about Vega, though. Not really.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, sure he was being an insufferable asshole, but it’s not what it was about.” Kaidan paused again and Shepard let him have silence. “I’ve got some concerns about being called away like this.”

Well, at least they agreed on that. “Are you worried they won’t let you come back to the Normandy afterwards? That they’ll remember they kept you around for a reason?”

“Not necessarily. They’ll probably ask me if I’m sure about where I’m at, but the Council and the Alliance do realize that me being on the Normandy is strategically a good thing. I’ve just gotten…I don’t know, used to working with this crew. Thinking I might have gotten a little complacent with things they’re good at isn’t unreasonable.”

“It’s a good crew.” Shepard would never tell anyone anything different about his crew. They were the best, hands down and it wasn’t a bias on his part making him think that. But Shepard also got the feeling that Kaidan was still avoiding the point and was hoping to ease him into actually saying what was on his mind.

“You’re being pretty noncommittal. If I didn’t know you, I’d be grateful for letting me get it out.” Well, that didn’t last long, getting called out already. Oh well, his friends, especially those who’d been with him since the SR-1, were just too familiar with him by now. And, of course, Kaidan was more.

He gave a shrug and bumped his knee against Kaidan’s shoulder. “Can’t blame me for trying. It used to work on you.”

Kaidan’s mouth quirked up a little at that before his serious expression returned. “I think the assignment was sent from Hackett through the Council.”

“Why? The order could have been given from Hackett and you’d still receive it just the same. It’s not like getting an order from the Alliance keeps you from using any Spectre authority or vice versa.”

“No, but it does allow me to take on the mission alone. You know how the Alliance doesn’t agree with solo missions and how its forces are spread too thin for anyone to be pulled from current assignments.”

Shepard put the pieces together. “The reason we get so many is because the Normandy’s area of operations is basically the known galaxy. So, again, why did _you_ get the mission?”

“It’s a lead on some of my students.” Oh, shit. Okay, Shepard had been way off on what Kaidan had been anxious about. Even with EDI and Liara’s help, news on Kaidan’s students had been sparse and vague. “You know they’re trained to not be found if they don’t want to be, but most should still be on Earth unless they helped with evacuations. But there were four squads on assignment off planet when the Reapers invaded. There’s been some communication from one of the systems a squad was deployed to that indicated they may be there, likely stranded.”

“How likely is it?” Shepard’s voice was a little strained from the sudden rise in emotion. Of course Kaidan wouldn’t let anyone else go when it was potentially his students in question.

“I had EDI check the intel and it’s over 80% likelihood it is them. The last comm was about ten days ago, though, so chances of them still being alive in a system crawling with Reapers is quite a bit lower. Either way, I should be able to find out for sure.”

“Yeah, that should be easy for you,” Shepard agreed absently and finally Kaidan looked over to him. He was trying to find out what was behind Shepard sounding like that and didn’t seem to figure it out. Which was fine: Shepard wasn’t completely sure himself.

When Kaidan had first come to him that morning and relayed that he’d been pulled for a mission from the Council once they docked at the Citadel, Shepard really had been fine with it. It was something they’d arranged to be an option so who was he to complain when it actually happened. It was only as the day went on and he had nothing to do but think about it, he’d started wondering if everything would go smoothly, if Kaidan would be alright, and if this wasn’t the start of Kaidan never getting a break. Kaidan needed some time off; he’d been strained since Rannoch and that’d been a few missions ago.

But Shepard also knew Kaidan’s devotion to others, knew that the Major would do everything he could for the students he was responsible for. He would be nothing but immaculate in his work when someone’s life was on the line. And if it was some of his students, he’d have back-up and they’d watch his back when his crew wasn’t there to do it for him.

Kaidan would be okay. He’d be back and they’d go back to work.

Shepard had faith in Kaidan. He really did. Maybe it was time to show it and stop letting fear be a dictator in his relationship.

Shepard stood up and stepped in front of Kaidan, intense brown eyes following him around. He gave the man a slight smile as he reached out, waiting for Kaidan to take his hand. Kaidan looked between his eyes and hand a few times before he reached out and took hold, letting Shepard pull him to his feet, the action a familiar reversal to an interaction they’d had what seemed like ages ago when they were still dancing around their attraction towards each other. Shepard controlled his pull, though, making sure Kaidan was balanced on his own feet, before stepping forward to crowd against Kaidan. The biotic was still watching him but his expression was warm now, accepting of the closeness Shepard was looking for. Shepard’s arms encircled Kaidan’s waist loosely, holding his left wrist in his right hand so both were just hanging against Kaidan’s lower back just above the line of his pants. His last motion was to lean forward, touching his forehead to Kaidan’s and letting his eyes close so he was just surrounded in the sense of Kaidan, the man’s warmth, his scent, feeling his breath against his lips.

These reminders that Kaidan was alive and okay were something he figured he’d always need, especially after Mars. It also satisfied his tactile nature, touching the man he loved just because he could.

Because for the next couple of days, he wouldn’t be able to and wasn’t that reason enough?

“Stay safe out there,” he whispered, his lips nearly brushing against Kaidan’s.

“I will. I’ll be back in no time.” Kaidan closed the distance between them, letting his lips rest against Shepard’s in the imitation of a kiss, but neither of them seemed inclined to take it farther. Oh well, they had time before they docked and, as long as nobody else needed Shepard’s immediate attention, he was happy to spend it with his partner.

**Author's Note:**

> Headcanon for this one: before a mission, Shepard and Kaidan tell each other to "stay safe" just like they did before the final run in ME3. Doesn't matter if they're both going on the mission, it gets said.  
> Hope you enjoyed and see you next time! ^_^


End file.
